The day our sweet baby boy was placed into my arms was the day my heart was cracked wide open for the world to see.
As a first time mama, I had dreams of holding him all day long after his first breath, being surrounded by family and friends in our room, and spending all day falling more in love with our beautiful blessing. However, these dreams were replaced with ones I will forever hold dear to my heart. These dreams were the start of something new, something challenging, and something better than I could have imagined.
Noah was a preemie baby born at 36 weeks & 1 day and automatically admitted into the NICU. The first 48 hours were a blur. The nurses and doctors were monitoring our little man and watched as his weight dropped slightly ending at 3 pounds and 10 ounces. The memories I have over the next few days included holding hands in the elevator on our way up to feed Noah with excitement at 3:00 am, soaking up every inch of those precious fingers and toes, and learning the ins and outs of being new parents. The NICU gave us an experience we will never forget. After all, his first days of life are what inspired me to start this lovely space.
One of my sorority sisters had messaged me on Facebook two days after Noah was born. She had been in the NICU with her baby boy not too long ago, and instead of sending advice, she sent me the most beautiful story I had read. One that left tears strolling down my face. It was a story about being chosen. Being chosen to be a mother of a special baby whether that be a mother of a disabled, genetic disorder, or preemie child. Being chosen to have strength, grace, and a positive attitude. Being chosen to face challenges leading to a life far better than imagined. Being chosen to look past normal and see beauty with a new perspective.
the day we got to finally bring Noah home.
Mothers all around the world face challenges with how to care for their little blessing. But mothers of a baby who is disabled, born early, or smaller than the norm deal with a level of new obstacles they must overcome. I knew the road ahead was not going to be easy with Noah. After all, we were told he was going to have difficulties with developing on track, cognitive impairments, and learning disabilities. It aches a little more each time we are out and someone tells us he is so tiny or he gets mistaken for a four to six month baby. And, I have not been able to leave our pediatrician’s office without calling my mum and husband in tears because his growth was not as expected. Let me go ahead and say it, being a mama is hard. It comes with its good and bad days. But…
It took me eight and a half months to finally understand the true meaning of the words being chosen. I owe this to my husband who came across a video by a gal named Lacey Buchanan. Her heart is pure and filled with unconditional love. The best part, she is a mother of a boy (Christian) who not only has a rare cleft lip and palate but was born blind without his eyes. She dealt with a lot of negative people telling her horrifying comments about her sweet love. (Heartbreaking, right?) But, she never let any of that stop her from raising Christian and giving him the most normal life possible. Talk about the art of making lemonade. It was after watching this video, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for being blessed with all I have been given, the struggles and the moments we have celebrated as not only husband and wife, but papa and mama bear.
While I struggle with Noah’s weight gain, I also remind myself, he has surpassed all of our expectations by gaining over 11 pounds and 9 inches in eight and a half months! It has been amazing to witness him achieve every milestone with his daddy’s smile. (Just yesterday, we cheered as he held his own bottle and drank his milk before bed.) Our hearts flutter a little more each time we get confirmation from Noah’s OT about his progress since birth. And, although comments are passed about the size of our baby boy, I have grown stronger. When I look at him, I see our precious boy with his round head, rosy cheeks, and two-bottom toothed smile. I have learned this being chosen is serious business. It requires a heavy dose of faith. Love. Trust. Understanding. Patience. Most of all, gratitude.
To all the mamas out there with a new baby who are given the opportunity for this special job, here are some thoughts to share. Breathe. Deep breaths. Pray. Have faith. Let go of what is not in your control. Learn to be your baby’s biggest fan and advocate. Have an open heart. Do not let others’ comments bring you down. Keep in mind how far along your baby has come from where he/she started. Do not be afraid to lean on your better half. It is ok to cry tears of joy and sadness. Take “your baby’s future…” with a grain of salt; you have no idea how much they will surprise you. Because they will leave you speechless. This I can promise. And, do not forget to be grateful. Grateful to be given the rare but humbling opportunity of being chosen to become your baby’s protector, best friend, and biggest fan!
This mamahood thing kind of rocks. A lot.
This will be my third time reading it. While some of the words will seem familiar, the book as a whole has been read in a new perspective each time. The first being when I had faced a truly dark period in my life. The second time when I was attempting to live this idea of perfection working a full-time job, managing a photography business, taking prerequisite credits, and applying for an occupational therapy program while being the best wife and friend to my dream guy. This time, the book was no stranger. But, it was a time where I needed to read her words the most.
Let’s face it, as a mama of a new baby boy juggling the life of an occupational therapy student, the battle of perfectionism is one I face often. A little too often, if I am being honest. I had this idea as a mama and a wife, I needed to have it all together. I should be able to teach my little man all he needs to know, make sure to be strong for Bryan, and be a rock star of an OT student. I will go ahead and stop right there because I remember the spiraling effect this mentality took on not only to myself but my sweet family. So I needed a little kick to remind myself, I will not find happiness and joy living a perfect life; I find them by living a balanced life free of perfectionism.
I highly recommend giving Alexandra Stoddard’s books a chance starting with The Art of the Possible. I found it was fate years ago, on a summer’s day in Anthropologie, that led me to seeing her colorful book cover. Since that day, I have been a fan. A BIG FAN! Her words are full of grace yet powerful. She has made me think. After reading each book, I have aspired to become a stronger version of the gal I am today. See what I mean…powerful.
If you do not believe me, I will leave you with one of my favorite excerpts from the book:
We regain balance by focusing our energies not on becoming perfect but on transforming each moment of our lives into realistic possibilities. Think of this energy as the light and the love that can surround you.
We can have all the perfect things, put them all together perfectly, and still not be satisfied. This outer- or other-directed road to happiness never leads anywhere but to a dead end. When we’re not striving for perfection but thriving in a well-balanced life, we have more perfect moments. When you simply live your life rather than always measure it, you become open and engaged; let those moments in and they will infuse your life with a sense of infinite possibilities for peace, happiness, and joy.
The art of balance is not an easy path, but I have a feeling it is a journey well worth taking. By letting go and living a balanced lifestyle, my hope is to discover a new definition of those perfect moments life has to offer and find a deeper sense of gratitude to all the blessings I have been given.
I will admit. I was a little skeptical. I mean, how can something be both paleo and gluten-free wrapped up in sweet goodness? This does not happen. At least not often. Last week, I was set out to find a healthy recipe that I could bring over to our newlywed friends who were hosting the Super Bowl. I knew I wanted something sweet. That in and of itself is asking a lot. I believe it was fate that landed me right to Elana’s Pantry. This woman is pure genius. Seriously. As for her recipes…I am sold. (Sign me up for all of her cookbooks!) I came across this recipe that looked a little too simple. Still skeptical. It involved SIX ingredients and took only 10 minutes to mix up. WHHHHHAAAAATTTTTTT?!?!? Well, I gave it a whirl. And, you know what? IT. WAS. AMAZING. This delicious yet healthy treat melts into your mouth. (I am drooling just thinking about them.) They were a hit with our friends for the big game. Even more, because they were healthy, they did not make me feel embarrassed for eating more than
five one. Did I mention, I am a dessert addict?
Below is the recipe, which can also be found on her blog. You can thank me later!
- 1-16 ounce jar of almond butter (if you are going the budget friendly route, JIF makes it!)
- 1 cup of agave nectar or honey (we used honey)
- 2 eggs
- 1/2 teaspoon sea salt
- 1 teaspoon baking soda (key ingredient!)
- 1 cup of chocolate chunks (we used dark chocolate chips to make it even healthier)
- Preheat the oven to 325 degrees
- In a large bowl, with a hand mixer or blender, mix almond butter until creamy and smooth
- Mix in agave/honey and eggs
- Add sea salt and baking soda
- Mix well with hand mixer or blender until all ingredients are combined well
- Mix half of the chocolate chunks/chips into the batter
- Pour the batter into a 9 x 13 inch baking dish
- Scatter the other half of the chocolate chunks/chips on top
- Bake at 325 degrees for 35 minutes
- Dig in!
(photo courtesy of miss elana)
Please excuse me while I find the ingredients to make another batch. Hey, it is the weekend after all!
As a kid, I thought snow days were like finding a pot of gold. It was a day to stay home, get extra cuddles with my mum, watch movies, boss my little brother (poor guy!), and discover all the the ways to play in the snow with all the kids on our block. I thought snow days would never be as amazing as the ones I experienced as a kid. Until…we had our own little love.
mother nature, you are hilarious. who is ready for spring? (raised hand)
those cheeks. i die.
pebs getting in on the fun.
admist the snow falling outside, he is hard at work. did i mention he is quite the catch?
Getting a whole extra day to watch him play, explore his world, tell me stories in his precious baby banter, and make us laugh with his theatrical eyebrows was pure icing to my day. While we REALLLLLLY wanted to take him outside to play in the snow, instead we watched it from inside. (Don’t worry, mum and Mama R!). While some were going stir crazy from being stuck in their home for the past two days, I took this as a chance to cozy up with my sweet boys & our ball of poof as we silently whispered prayers of gratitude for being home safe and sound.
this kid and his books. i think we might be best buds if he loves to read as much as his mama!
trying out this crawling thing.
I know these days are short, and Noah man will not be this age forever. Before I know it, he will be a teenager whisking off with his friends to go sledding on his snow days. So, I intend to soak up every waking moment I got to ensure I never miss these moments. This might have been his first snow day, but this sure beats any snow day I have experienced.
Stay warms out there, friends!
It is a moment of being still. The deep breaths. The feeling of letting go. The powerful feeling of gratitude overtaking every inch of your body. This is yoga.
Shortly after graduation, I discovered this beautiful form of art. However, I will be honest. I quit after the second class. It was hard and the part where they turn the temperature to 110 degrees brought me back to a trip to India I took when I was 16 years old. A year later, I faced a pretty dark time where my head was in a big, black cloud. This is where I gave yoga a second chance. I am so glad I did. For the next few months, I spent evenings at the yoga studio clearing my mind, focusing on holding a pose, understanding the power of deep breathing, and melting into the most amount of gratitude I had felt in months. Yoga helped me pull myself together and open my mind to the amazing opportunities life has to offer.
Most do not know the amazing benefits that come with yoga. Even occupational therapists will attest to its benefits! It increases flexibility, increases strength, improves posture, educates on deep breathing, lowers blood pressure, boosts oxygen levels to the brain, and relieves arthritic pain. The list really goes on but this is a few of the main benefits according to my wise friend, WebMD.
I recently discovered two amazing, budget-friendly ways to continue my practice with yoga and pilates. Kansas City’s Lululemon store offers yoga classes for FREE. Another favorite site of mine is Do Yoga With Me. There are more yoga and pilate classes than I know what to do with, but they are all free and can be done in the comfort of my own home. And, oh my stars do they work. you. out!
With yoga, it allows me to focus on the beauty life has to offer. It surrounds us everywhere. We just have to be willing to be open to it. So here is to looking for beautiful elements in hidden places, breathing a little deeper, letting go of the unknown, and being ecstatic for what is to come!
(thank you, Pinterest)